Jorma's Thoughts Page: Thoughts From Hillside Farm

Last Update: Sunday, January 4, 2009
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Latest Entries

Sunday, January 04, 2009 HIllside Farm, Meigs County


I had the strangest dream last night. I dreamt I was young again. Now I’m guessing that this in and of itself is not strange. I imagine that most of us aging beings dream of being young again. Sometimes I see our ancient Chihuahua running in his sleep… chasing some magnificent creature with prodigious bounds through and Elysian field. That would be a normal dream of youth… but mine last night, another story.

The youth of my dream was to be well, young, but that’s only the beginning. What is it to be young? To be unemployed, undecided and out job hunting. Yeah, that’s who I was. A young, undecided directionless unemployed man.

I lived in a big city, let’s say New York, although the dream was not location specific. I had heard of a job opening somewhere and so I went to interview. The location was somewhere in a large apartment in a big building. There were knick knacks everywhere… expensive ones. The boss character in my dream was confident and self possessed… he was also rich. We talked, I answered questions and plead my case. He liked me. I got the job. It was up to me to say yea or nay. There was something lurking unbidden in the back of my mind. There was something I needed to do with my life, but I didn’t know what. That sense of hidden urgency and latent destiny made me uncertain. I told him that I would probably take the job, but that I had to give it some thought. He was so impressed by our artful chat that he told me he understood… told me to take a day or two. I shook hands with him and left the building. I had another interview to go to. I don’t remember what happened at that one but I do know that I left my shoes there.

Now here I am, walking through a strange city, no money in my pocket and no shoes on my feet. It’s like the lyric of some blues song. I can’t take public transportation because a) I have no money, b) I have no shoes on my feet and c) I don’t know where I’m going. I walk into some strange building and take the elevator to the roof. I look at the city for a while and then start to walk down the stairs. On the way down I pass a veranda jutting out over the city below and there are people I know having drinks or something. One of the guys offers me a drink… I don’t drink I say. He accepts my shoelessness as normal. It is not normal to me. I need to know what to do. There is a sense of urgency in my need. Shall I take the job from the first interview? The certainty of my future was promised there. Shall I wait until I know what it is I am meant to do? I am wrestling with these concepts when I start to wake up. It is six in the morning and it is still dark on this January day so early in the year 2009. Vanessa sleeps soundly next to me. Our daughter Izze still snoozes upstairs in her bed. I get up and go into the bathroom and brush my teeth. I go back to bed. What does it all mean. For a moment I feel like a wisp of smoke on an icy winter morning. I put my hand on Vanessa’s shoulder and in that moment from the baby monitor comes the sound of Izze crying, ‘Mommy, Mommy, Mommy.’ I’ll get her I say and there is no indecisiveness there. I go upstairs and bring here back down to our bed. She has had a bad dream, I can dig it. She settles down between us with a small army of stuffed animals. Vanessa is silent. What does it mean, or is this just a slice of midnight dada? Am I missing a lesson here. As my day begins with conscious movement I am struck with the ephemeral nature of life here on earth. There is always uncertainty… should I go or should I stay… this or that or maybe I shouldn’t have had that hamburger right before I went to bed. So many choices in the mind. Back on earth here in the kitchen I am glad to be in the present with a list of things that must be done.

I am back in the present and my role is clear. Later today I will work on my preparations for our teaching gig in Desert Hot Springs. I think I’ll play my guitar. Oh yeah… I’m a musician. I think I’ll enjoy my family.

I’m just about done here and it’s time for some morning coffee. It would seem that being young again would leave something to be desired. Boy am I glad to be awake this morning!

Thursday, December 15, 2008 Hillside Farm, Meigs County


Thursday, December 25, 2008
Hillside Farm, Meigs County

Today is the fifth day of Chanukah, it is also Christmas and by coincidence two days after my sixty eighth birthday. It is a time of year filled with the ultra pressures of merchandising and marketing and sometimes it is hard to focus on the love of family and friends. I remember that this year the sound of Seasonal Music was filling the stores in Athens as we shopped for Thanksgiving. Anyway, such is life in the 21st century.

It had been a busy year for me and it was such a blessing to be home for the Holidays. Vanessa cooked a fabulous birthday dinner for me and Wally and Donnie came down from Columbus and John came over from Carpenter and as we lit the candles for the third day of Chanukah a peace settled over the house as we said our prayers. As we were sitting at the table, Wally was remembering his father who was an Auschwitz survivor. All of a sudden, Izze said, ‘Excuse me, excuse me people’s.’ We stopped talking and listened and she followed up with, ‘I’m Jewish!’ Laughter and hugs filled the room.

A Christmas card from my friend Bill Haile’s daughter had arrived earlier in the day. Bill had been my best friend from back in the neighborhood when I was a kid and he passed away suddenly the first of November. In envelope was a picture of Bill and I back in Tappahannock when we were kids. It was summer and Bill and I sit next to each other in his Dad’s boat. There is a little seven horse power motor on it and Bill is in command of the vessel with his hand on the tiller. We are still in the dawn of our lives and a long day stretches out in front of us. In my memory the boat was a little speedboat… a mini yacht. In reality, the paint is peeling and the motor would be a valuable antique today. It reminds me of that Alan Jackson song, ‘Daddy Let Me Drive.’ There we were…

…and here I am. My son is about the same age we were in the picture and as I look about our house on this morning of the 25th of December, our daughter is playing with her first electric train set. Thomas The Tank Engine is ruling the roost.

Last night we went to Vanessa’s Mom’s house and there were sisters, brothers and cousins there. Lila and Montana sang Christmas songs. Lila Mae’s voice was so beautiful it brought tears to my eye… well they both brought tears to my eyes.

In this moment on this day it is very peaceful here at Hillside Farm today. May this moment embrace all the dear ones.

Saturday, November 22, 2008, Parsippany, New Jersey

My childhood friend Bill Haile passed away a couple of weeks ago and his passing touched me in a way I find difficult to express. We were boys together in the beginning of the second half of the last century. We had reconnected late in life and in spite of the different paths our lives had taken, we were first and foremost... friends! His daughter Jess sent me a link to this obit from the Washington Post. I reprint it in it's entirety. Short as it is, it gives a glimpse into the life of a most remarkable man. I already miss him, and I shall continue to do so. As my Mom used to occasionally say about him, 'That Bill Haile, he's a good man.'

Mom knew her stuff!

William Buckner Haile Jr. Aeronautical Engineer

William Buckner Haile Jr., 68, an aeronautical engineer who had a key role in the development of the Hubble Space Telescope and several NASA satellites, died Nov. 1 after a heart attack while bicycling near his home in Port Republic.

Dr. Haile worked for many years at Lockheed Martin and later was a senior engineer for Swales Aerospace and Alliant Techsystems, also known as ATK.

He spent more than 20 years as the chief structural engineer for the Hubble telescope, helping design the vehicle that would carry it. He aligned the mirrors and instruments of the orbiting telescope that was launched in 1990.
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When the telescope sent back out-of-focus pictures from its initial voyage, Dr. Haile worked on formulations that helped correct the problem.

Later, he was a consultant and designer during the development of an exhibition about the telescope at the National Air and Space Museum.

He also worked on the Earth Observing-1 satellite, a NASA satellite designed to monitor climatic conditions around the world. It has become an important research tool in the study of global climate change.

Dr. Haile often was consulted on problems related to the unexpected flight performance of spacecraft. He was an expert in understanding the stresses and vibrations on a spacecraft during takeoff.

Dr. Haile was born in Washington and was a graduate of Woodrow Wilson High School. His family had settled in Virginia in the 17th century, and he spent summers at an ancestral home in Tappahannock, on Virginia's Northern Neck.

His best friend in childhood was guitarist Jorma Kaukonen, who became a member of Jefferson Airplane and Hot Tuna.

Dr. Haile graduated from Virginia Tech, where he also received master's and doctoral degrees in engineering science and mechanics in 1965 and 1967, respectively.

He enjoyed sailing, canoeing and other outdoor sports. He often bicycled 25 miles from his home to his office in Beltsville and in 2007 rode his bicycle 2,007 miles on a challenge from his son.

His marriage to Phyllis Andis Haile ended in divorce.

Survivors include his wife of eight years, Joy Ann Bartholomew of Port Republic; three children from his first marriage, Jessica A. Haile of Laguna Niguel, Calif., Adam A. Haile of Durham, N.C., and Rachel A. Haile of Chicago; a sister, Jane Haile Dawkins of Tappahannock and Key West, Fla; and a brother, Edward Wright Haile of Champlain, Va.